Selfish love

I heard lately from every person that I know how unselfish is love, how many things love changes in a human being, how you can be happy if the person that you love is happy with someone else, how bla bla bla. Dzip!

NO! Love is SELFISH. And I’ll tell you why love is that selfish: because you love the other one and with that comes a need- the need of having him or she close to your chest and whisper nice things in that precious ear. When you love someone, that someone becomes your personal sun and you’re a tiny planet that craves for that light and warmth. Eh.. when all that disappears because your sun has another planet that gravitates around  it and you’re out, you will suffer in a cold, black spot. That elementary need is not satisfied anymore and you can’t be happy with that, be honest at least and do yourself a favor.

Let’s face it, let’s be honest here! You can’t be happy and unhappy at the same time. Why do people say sweet words instead of just yelling the truth? Truth can make you feel very good and will probably cost someone a windshield or a tire, but wouldn’t you feel much better?

I can’t be that cynical and say: ‘Go on my love, screw her, I’ll be happy if you’re happy!’. Love is selfish, I want him to love me and I can’t be happy because he loves her! It’s not logical and don’t give me that stupid argument that love is illogical, bullshit!, everything has logic in nature and a proper order that can’t be screwed only because you’re telling everyone that you’re a (fake) saint. Ohh… cute lies are better than a hard truth for your suffering ego, right?

So stop fooling around and admit for once what you feel and be honest, everyone will appreciate that!

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Fall… in love

Now that summer has left, it’s time for me, like the rest of us, to start working again and keep in memory all the sunny days and start a new life. Fall I feel that’s the perfect time to fall in love and have great moments with someone while drinking a glass of wine near a roaring fire….

And of course, with that, while the fairytale is still telling it’s story, we start thinking and thinking and we begin our journey of ‘freaking-out-because-I-like-him’ instead of living all the great moments. In life we have just moments and we must lear to appreciate them. So that’s what I’m telling you now: appreciate what you have, love and be loved and you’ll live a lot more.

Untill next time! With a lot of love for you, my readers.

Questions and Answers

Questions. We all have Questions and we try to find an apropriate answer every single day. But that made me think: what if there are no apropriate answers, only apropriate questions that will lead, eventually, at the finish line without stating an answer to it. Sometimes, when things get out of hand, this is the best way to do it: ask yourself and then act.

And everytime I’m doing something wrong, I stop myself and I read the last chapter that my footsteps wrote to see where I’ve done wrong and “go back” and start things again from that Question Mark. But that doesn’t mean that I am sorry for my mistakes, that means that I’ve learned from them and I have to accept and remember them. We can’t accomplish anything without making some mistakes along the way, the more important things is how we look at them when we find them.

Don’t never be afraid of what you’ve done, be afraid of what you didn’t.

Happy ending or Dead end?

Happy ending

Happy ending

Dead End

Dead End

Waking up at 7 am by the sound of a noise city isn’t the best wake up call you can receive on a weekend. So a meeting with my girls uptown made my late morning fabulous! As Natasha kept talking about her Perfect mister Guy I was thinking: is she that optimistic? And if so is that good or bad?

That made me wonder a few hours later while walking home: am I an optmist or a pesimist? That translates to: do I believe in a happy ending or in the more realistic dead end?

Will I find that love that will trancend time and space and be forever mine? I’ll be someday in a rocking chair with my white-haired husband watching our grandchildren? Is love that strong? Do I believe in it? Honestly I don’t know, I don’t even know if I’m build to be a wife or a mother or even  if I want it. And on the oppsosite: is every relashionship doomed to be a dead end? Are we supposed to do the date & break-up circle all over again like some sort of punishment? It certainly seems so. I am ready to admit that Prince Charming does not exist, but I don’t know if i’m ready to even think that this circle of punishmet will last another 20 years!

So beetween Prince Charming and sweet 40s where do I stand? Where do all women stand? Are we all the optimistic-pesimist, caught up in a world that knows no rules in love? Why isn’t there anyone to tell us the real deal?

ps: In the end (ironically) I’ll leave you with Avril Lavigne- My Happy ending.

Rejections

As I thought of relationships and all that, I turned back time and remembered how people handled things Before getting involved in one. The thing is that everyone has his own tactic of getting someone’s attention, and the only thing that every single one of them thinks about before making this step is Rejection.

The fear of Rejection keeps us paralyzed until we’ll find that little door that will get us out of there as soon as possible. We are all afraid to hear a “No”.

Men are afraid. A “no” will punch their ego, but they learned in time how to deal with it. They are the most afraid of Rejection because they are the one that make the step  in most cases, but  they know how to do it better than us.

To be honest, I’m always afraid of Rejection even if I rarely admit it out loud and let’s face it, we all feel it. And this made me think: how can I cope with rejection? Walk away and pretend that it didn’t happened? Or I can face the Rejection and say to my self: men feel this all the time, now I’m like a man, I’m strong and I’ll get over it?! I think that I can do that and I’ll do it. This fear can make us miss some great moments!

So girls, step up and speak you heart, no matter what! We’re like men, aren’t we?

men vs women

I was thinking all these days at the effect that some man have on women and my dear girlfriend Natalie just put me on the biscuit! Some men can make us drive far far away with our imaginations, some become are daily obsession, some we love with passion and lust, some are “family men” and some more man remain in our mind as puppy dogs, the one that you don’t want too much around; and somewhere these circles intertwine, driving us crazy.

In a world where  everything is confuse because we have too much information, they come to give us even more things to think about. Last night while my friend L. was at my place, we talked about fears. He was scared of women that are too pushy, of the women who wants now and here a ring on their finger. Don’t get me wrong, he’s 30, he wants family and kids, but then why is he so scared?

The thing is that men never change. They will be scared boys  even at 60 because they can’t define “the woman” and no rule of conquest applies for them. Let’s be honest now, there are so many magazines and books that promise more than  a guideline- they promise a wife and perfect happiness, that it makes me sick! WE don’t have INSTRUCTIONS! There is no such thing as “decoding the woman”. And these so called guidelines make them feel more scared, like we are The Sphinx, The pyramids and The Holy Grail at the same time.  How can a man feel confident enough to start la relationship when he’s so scared? And this rise a question for us: what are we going to do to make their job more easy?

Well, the fact is that we don’t. We pose like Aphrodite every single day of our life, we want to be adulated and loved beyond measure even   if we don’t want to give much to the man in cause. So what’s the problem? Is there a solution? I don’t know, but what I know is that men are scared before entering a relationship and women are scared after they do and the result is often a fiasco.

In the end, the question is: why the hell are we running from something that we want?

Free ebooks, the Race to Zero? (via Babb’s Blog)

So I loved this post. It speaks so honestly about what will happen if you sell yourself ….. for free. There is always a trap, don’t ever fall into this one. “If you’re good at something, never do it for free” Joker’s line, and let’s face it, Joker’s lines are always true 😉

Free ebooks, the Race to Zero? The act of giving is such a wonderful thing, but could it have some devastating effects? Most people want to get everything they can get for the least amount of money. It is a natural thing, and you can’t change that. But what happens when you give something away, and you offer it to everyone? Let’s say a new fast food place opens up in town. You haven’t heard of it before, but they have free coffee. So you go and get your free coffee. That’s all … Read More

via Babb’s Blog

The EX thing.

Today I was searching on google some shoes that I wanted and immediately I saw in my RSS feed a new article written by my ex boyfriend on his blog and I instantly clicked to read .I broke up with him almost 4 months ago because what was between me and him wasn’t a healthy relationship anymore. So why I’m still interesting of what he has to say? In fact, I observed that this thing happens with all our EXes: no matter how much time it passed, we are still jealous in a way and we want to remain for eternity their “The One That Meant All”.

Honestly, I am finding this too selfish, but I can’t restrain my self to hate him a little when an he states out loud that he moved on. It’s just the fact that he may be happier  now what drives us crazy or is something more? Is is because he stepped over our “bodies” the real thing that we hate? Are we so vain?Maybe we are, maybe that’s why we want to look that good when facing and EX. There’s a statement: “Look at me I am Fabulous and you don’t have me anymore”! But why bother? Just to keep that impression that we are the shoe and his the bug?

So what do you do when facing and EX? Should you run and avoid him at all costs? Or to try and be friends? Sincerely, I don’t believe  in friendship-with-an-ex kinda thing for some reasons: 1. you can visualize and remember him in bed, 2. you’ll never get over “my new girlfriend” stuff, 3. where is a past tense and not continued I don’t see a future. I don’t believe in running either: it’s coward and in the end there is a history. These questions maybe don’t have an immediate answer, the response is in each and every woman and her EX.

In the end our lives are still messy and EXes are a part of our life that we can’t delete and we just need to face it like we feel it.

Wild creature

It’s 3 AM and I’m still up, just finished watching another episode of my favorate tv show and eating a sandwich.I would kill for a Cosmopolitan right now while smoking my favorate Malboro cigarettes. But in stead of doing something about it I just turned on my tv on Animal Planet. Aint that lame: eating sandwiches at this hour while I’m on diet and wondering about my life?

The fact is: I am homeless for now and I’m living with a friend who’s happy to keep me here in this tiny apartment. Yea, I am sparing some money that i don’t have, but why I’m not that happy about it? Why do I feel like I’m locked inside a cage that I cannot escape? I am a free bird, but now I feel exposed at the Zoo, my pants on my knees and without a bra. Then why am I doing it? I always said that I’ll do just the things that made me happy. In fact, I swore to do so. Giving up my independence is like  having sex for money in public: scandalous and miserable.

I am a 20-and-something independent woman that usually can face her problems, but now I ran away and I feel like scum. If I can’t watch my self in the mirror without the need to brake it, how can other people see me? And the worse part is that I have this feeling in a looong time and just now I realized it, while I was smoking my cigarette in the kitchen at 3 am in the morning. I always had my smoke in my room with a glass of wine, soda or just water and this thing got my attention. -How come that I didn’t see it before? You can’t tame a wild animal. Giving up my freedom is the only thing that I cannot do and no one should do. All my habits are part of me and I cannot give a part of me just because some other thing will be fine.  No! I have to rise up to my feet and walk again as a strong women and give up the easy parts!

You just shouldn’t let no one tame you, even if with the best intentions in the world. Love you independence and your privacy, LOVE YOURSELF as you SHOULD!

Single&Fabulous!

What’s wrong with guys these days? I mean, you have the girl that loves you, that cooks you, that waits for you at nights and you’re still an asshole! Are we leaving in the era of Fuck&Go? Am I supposed to change my self in order to survive this jungle? What happened with all the romance and I-Love-You kinda stuff? Or I-LoveYou is just another way of a man to put you in his bed?

When I broke up with mister D. after almost two years I felt like I was free again. He was the total asshole and back then I couldn’t even imagine breaking-up with him even if i thought of it almost an year. Was I a masochistic, conserving a relationship that was more in my head and in my bed than between me and him? I loved him and he said that he loved me when we were together, but when he was at home and I was at home, it felt like I was just a lover who wanted just more and she couldn’t get it because he had a “wife”. It felt so wrong and I kept feeding the relationship.

Are we so desperate and afraid if being single that we’re living in non-relationships pretending that it’s just fine and in his heart he truly loves us, but as a man it’s hard for him to say it all the time?  What’s our future if we’re lying to each other? Isn’t there anything real in this messed up world of today?

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